I started a vision board this week and as I was looking for pictures for it last night, I learned something pretty surprising about the choices I make. For everything I “thought” I wanted, I had a secondary thought that made me NOT want it, too. Who knew? I bet I do not have in my life many things that I think I want because there is also a reason that I do not want them.
Try it. Look through a magazine thinking of the life you want and believing it is all possible. Find a picture where you think, “Oh, I love that!” Now, stop to think what is the thought right after that, especially if you feel that moment of pause? I have the life I have because it is the life I choose.
This is where it gets really good. My mind is still reeling from this revelation when I go to bed and take an old magazine with me to read. Now, I’m a little embarrassed to tell you how behind I am on my reading, but for the sake of the story I will share. The date on the magazine was January 2006. Don’t judge. And, yes, I was just getting around to reading it. See why I don’t subscribe to any magazines? An article in this old magazine that I had had in my home this whole time is telling me exactly what I just learned. How amazing after just figuring this out for myself to read within hours later an article that said the exact same thing, and from a magazine that I have had for 3 years to boot! Maybe God is trying to reveal something to me here.
Here is an excerpt from the article:
“Take the negative quality that bothers you the most and turn it into a positive. It could be that you don’t think you’re living up to your career potential. Or maybe you don’t have as many friends as you’d like. Whatever this so-called flaw, stop and consider what choices you made to get to this point – and why. Maybe you expect a lot of your friends and are independent enough not to stay in unrewarding relationships. Maybe your career gives you a great deal of personal freedom and lets you lead a stress-free life. See, suddenly, even becoming unpopular and unambitious doesn’t seem so bad.”
(Excerpt from O Magazine January 2006, What Do Those Women Have That You Don’t by Phillip C. McGraw, PhD.)
While this article is referring to putting a positive spin on the negatives in our lives for confidence’s sake, maybe analyzing those second thoughts in our choices would be more telling than we realize.
I realize now that incongruent thinking has left me confused and in limbo in many different areas of my life. For instance, I love yards that have a sort of wild look with lots of plants. I “think” I want that. The truth is we have lots of snakes where we live. We have a ditch behind our home that leads straight into a creek that leads into a major river in the area. So, I am sure you can already imagine these are not your harmless garden variety snakes. Those I could “sort of” handle after having two boys with pet snakes. But no, these are mammoth size killer snakes. That is always my second thought. So you know what? The wild looking backyard is NOT going to happen. But NOW, I am armed with useful information. I can now see those pictures and think, “Oh, how nice, but that is NOT going to happen here. Move on.” It is a waste of my time and energy to “live there” always wishing I had that. I don’t want what all comes with that.
I used to look at pictures of homes on the water or large homes and would think that I wanted that. But you know what? I like a maintenance free life. Well, as maintenance free as possible. I would not want the upkeep of a home on the water. And every time I see a large house, I cannot help but to think, “How many steps and how much time would that take to sweep or to mop?” Don’t judge me. I’m an otter personality, a “C” personality, whatever you want to call it, but creating and playing are my strong points. I do not like the thought of spending my time taking care of things. Also, I like small spaces. I love the idea of living large in a small space instead of being overwhelmed by a large space. And regarding the big yards, while I love looking at pictures of large yards, I love the little courtyard spaces, too. How easy would that be? If I had a lot of yard space, which I am not opposed to, I would probably maintain a small area that would be more manageable and cozier. I’m more of an intimate party person than a large party person. All of this now fits and is congruent. It makes sense.
I am beginning to wonder if I have had things backwards for years thinking that I was getting in the way of things I wanted. Maybe I was just keeping myself from things I only thought I wanted.
Be sure the things you think you want are congruent with the things you actually want.
I have the life I have because it is the life I choose. Now I can go about living my EXTRAORDINARY life on purpose!
